Grace,

Wherever you are right now, i hope you are doing great!

Your birthday is coming! Its December 10 right? Of course i can't forget it. I can still recall how mom labored so hard that day. I can still hear how you first cried in the middle of night! I even mumbled and whispered you "welcome to the family" after you were wrapped by the hilot in a lampin made out from a flour sack.

How are you? I have never heard from you for a year and 8 months now! Since you left last February 26 a year ago, i never heard anything from you. Mom did not made kwento too. I have not even asked what you wanted last christmas when i left for Manila in June. Mom was so hesitant and would almost hide my bags just for me to stay at home. But i was insistint. I don't want to stay and recall our childhood memories everyday of my life back home and weep over and over again remembering you.

Mom and Papa was so sad. They thought they lose two children. That is why i've been calling them every other day reminding them that i'm ok. But we never heard anything from you! We have not even dreamt of you. BUt that doesn't mean that we totally forgot you.

I send money to Papa last christmas to make a roof on your dwelling place. I hope you liked it. It was actually my brithday gift for you. Am sorry though if i have not visited you more often. I have been too busy with work here.

A month after you were buried, we all went there to visit you every monday. Mom make sure your flowers are fresh and papa lighted up a candle for you while we all talk to you and clean your background.

You left us so abrupt. I have not even showed you how much I loved you. Mom was so sad then and papa too. I was even scared that your Ate might suffer a heart attack. Didn't you notice that she did not shed a tear on your first night? I guess she's only denying to accept your death then. She eventually cried though when we saw your dress on the bathroom. She took it, smell it, hugged it too tight and cried. I can't help but joined your ate too. I knew that everytime I pacified mom and lola to relax, my heart aches so much. I knew that you've seen me cried behind doors, under the pillows and in the bathroom. I'm sorry if even on your death i'm not showy to what i felt. I just deemed it appropriate to keep the aches myself than share it with papa or mama or your ate's and clarence. You know how balat sibuyas naman sila di ba?

Did you see my officemates and staff? See how they played over a lipstick to punish those that lose the tong-its? It was fun right?

Have you seen my friends too? Those crossdresser faggots who drunk beer all night and eat the 3-1 san mig coffee thinking it was a chocolate drink milo?

I knew you love fun so much! If only if i have bucks by then i could've hired a clown on your wake!

Grace, i'm sorry if i havent been a kind kuya to you. I love you so much! I hope you understood why i spang you when i lose sight of you. I'm just overprotective of you. Every kuya does! Sorry too if i was not around when you lose your breathe beneath the waters that took your life. I'm not a good swimmer but i could exchange my life for you.

I'm so sorry too for not bringing you flowers last month when i visited your tomb. I have no time to buy one since i was only approved for two-day leave of absence. I'm sorry too if i didn't stay there too long, i just can't stand the sight of your tomb with the thoughts that you have been there lying. That is why i send papa money to cover you from the heat and rain. I hope that makes you more comfortable having a covered roofing.

Grace remember kuya Oliver? Were not partners anymore. We parted ways when he graduated nursing. He is now a nurse though and were still friends. I will soon introduce you to Gary by summer. He is a sweet and caring guy. He cooked for me everyday and always pampers me with love. I know you'll like him. We hope to see you then.

You take care of lola. She had a mild stroke. She can't close her mouth anymore and could hardly speak. She loves you so much Grace. Please watch over her but don't take her yet Mama wants her so much. You take care of Papa and Mama too. Mayeth will soon graduate and your ate Chuchi too. Clarence is now in grade 2 and had been doing just fine with academics just like you before. And i almost forgot, ate hearty is pregnant you will soon be an aunt. You take care of them. I'm too far to look after them.

Don't worry about me your kuya gary will be here to assist me.

Love you so much my little sister.

Ateh Jeff

Grace joined our creator on February 26, 2006 at age 11.

2 comments:

  1. *singhot*....

    Grace, pwede hiramin si Kuya islash Ate Jeff mo????...Maswerte ka sya ang naging kapatid mo..

    unsa mani yot ui, kahilak man sad ta ani...

    way tisyu dra???

    Geisha: hahahahha shudi abas oi! kaiyak gani kog thumbstack pag sulat nko ani! atay kaayu! :(

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  2. [...] or kagagahan na aking ginawa. May mga times din na super emote ako. Yung tipong naalala ko yung unang iyak ng pamilya, nung akoy nawalan ng isang matalik na kaibigan at nung nag fe-feeling homesick [...]

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