Joining Miss Gay competitions have been one of my dreams. I knew lahat ng geisha ay fulfillment ang pagkakaroon ng title kahit Miss Gay Undas pa man or Miss Gay Jurassic. Although, dream ko 'sya, hindi pa rin ako kinakitaan o tinubuan man lang ng tapang na rumampa sa lahat ng tao. Lalo na siguro kung naka two piece tapos bakat na bakat ang betlogs mo!



My cousin have been a reigning Miss Gay Chubarloo sa iba't-ibang barangay sa Bohol. That was when he was convinced by a very bad influence. He stopped school just to fed her fantasy of becoming the queen of the lord. Believe it or not though, he had bagged many trophies and sashes! some of which are now used na pantapal sa kanilang barong-barong sa province.



The same cousin had also taught me to compete indirectly. Though hindi nya pinu-push to dress and conquer the catwalk, it was like his loses and winning bout was my own. Naalala ko tuloy nung namantay ang tito namin. Unfortunately, sabay sa araw ng barangay kung saan yung pinsan rin namin ang SK chairman that time. As usual, the entertainment is Miss Gay. Dahil bantay sarado kami sa mga maton naming pinsan, minabuti naming tumakas sa burol ng tito at pumunta sa barrio hall para manood. Mine was to just watch and took advantage of the front seat kasama ang pinsan naming organizer pero si jessang puta, nag back-up pa talaga sa friend 'nyang candidate.



Here comes talent show. Lumabas na ang bakla with her Flor Contemplacion inspired talent with matching Nora Aunor song " sinong mapalad, sino ang kaawa-awa, kami bang halos ang dila ay matunaw sa gata".. (basta yun na yun.)Lumabas si Jessa na may dalang sinturon habang si Flor ay nagwawalis. nagulat ang lahat ng bigla nyang hinagupit ng pagkalakas-lakas ang bakla. Di pa nakuntento, sinubsob pa ni Jessa ang mukha ng bakla sa balde ng tubig for like 3 minutes sabay hila sa buhok. Madugo ang stage. Lahat sigawan. Pati si Flor sumigaw na rin. "TAMA NA BAKLA DI KO KAYA. OK NA ANG TALENT KO TAPOS NA". Pero parang di sya narinig ni Jessa. Bingi-bingihan ang puta! Natapos ang talent presentation ng bakla na puno ng latay sa katawan at pasa. Paid off naman ng 'sya ang nagwaging Miss Talent. Ang puta nagpasalamat pa sa bumugbog sa kanya!



Hindi matapos-tapos ang tawanan namin ng pauwi na kami galing sa contest. Ang malutong naming tawanan along the way ay napalitan ng takot. papasok pa lang kami sa burol ay sinturon ni hudas na ang sumalubong sa amin. At dahil maliit ako, hindi ako nahagip ng sinturon ni tito si Jessa lang (hihihihihi blehhhhh). Nagtago ako sa ilalim ng mesa hanggang sa dumating ang papa kong konsintidor. (nyahahahhah i'm safe)



At dun ako natauhan. Though the situation requires a punishment, i was like conditioned that if i dumped my fes with make up and joined gay contest, i will be beaten by papa to death. Though di naman nya kayang gawin yun, i'm afraid my katutubo na tito's would do it for me!



Below are some questions heared first hand on a gay pageant. More often than not, nosebleed ang lahat ng contestant!

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HOST: how can we uplift our economy today eventhough we're under economic crisis?
GAY: (namutla) PUNY3T@ kayo mga bakla!!!! Kala ko ba Miss Gay ito?!  QUIZBEE pala!!!


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HOST: if given a chance to be born again, what will you do and why?

GAY: i am a woman bounded by dignity sorrounded by credibility. ladies and gentlemen, board of judges, good evening. if given a chance to be born again, i will do nothing!

HOST:  why?

GAY: because i am not a born again, i am a devout catholic!

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my friend Ruem with her first gay pageant bout introduced herself:

Ruem: ladies and gentlemen, Mabuhay! standing infront of you is Assunta de Rossi. (na mental block sabay sigaw sa harap ng mga tao) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nakalimut man 'yot ko oi (sorry i forgot) ahmmm..ahhhh... according to charles darwin beauty is in the eye of the holder. thank you.

palakpakan ang mga kawawang katutubo!

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And here is one remark from a Miss Gay Philippines candidate during the parade of candidates:
"Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur, sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"

2 comments:

  1. maldita ka ! you really made me laugh!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. [...] I have never joined any pageant before! While all geisha are dreaming of earning a crown or a title, hindi ko pa sya na dare before. To date, hanggang rampa lang ako sa kwarto using kurtina or bedsheet! hahahahha [...]

    ReplyDelete

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